I love this artwork by Perry Taylor. It was part of a Facebook post, on the page Camino Lessons of the Day, that a good friend of mine forwarded to me this morning. The post, which is a great read, was shared from a journal observation by Dennis Welton who had walked the Camino de Santiago.
In summary the observation is that we are hindered by the weight of the fears we carry. On the Camino walk this translates into packing items to cover every possible scenario, or not, depending on what it is we fear might transpire on the journey.
Anyone who has ever walked the Camino knows very well that the more we put in our backpack the more difficult the journey will be, because of the cumbersome weight. Metaphorically, this is an excellent presentation of the way we choose, mostly unconsciously, to walk through our daily lives. We overload ourselves with ways of coping with what we fear, realistic or not, and by doing so we are weighed down.
When we over-pack, because we fear we will not have enough of one thing or the other, the load weighs heavy on us and people who we interact with get to experience us under the stress of that load. As written in the post, “They are seeing the result of the pain caused by carrying our fears and too much junk in our backpack”. We are also meeting others under the stress of the load they are carrying.
Few of us will walk the entire Camino de Santiago, although I applaud my friend who did at the young age of 65, but many of us are risking our own health and well-being because we are burdened by the weight of carrying around stuff that we don’t need, mentally and emotionally, every day.
Just as a backpack on the Camino, overstuffed with what we believe will satiate our fears and keep us safe, places an undo burden on us, by limiting our ability to move more freely, so too does carrying the weight of too much, emotionally and mentally, in our daily lives. We develop ways of coping with that which we fear will overwhelm us and this behaviour carries with it a great weight.
As a common practice on the Camino, at the end of the day, the backpack gets unpacked and repacked for the next day. Anything that can possibly come out of that pack, to lighten the load for the next day, does. Some pilgrims (how those who walk the Camino are referenced) might discover that they have over-packed in an attempt to cover every possible situation they might confront on their journey. They can make choices about what they actually need and remove the excess from their pack. They can arrange for their backpack to be carried from one stop to the next by a bag-transport service. They can take a day off from walking and rest. Acknowledging that they are burdened under the weight of what they are carrying allows them to examine how they might better manage the load, and ask for help when they need it. One woman told me that she had a novel in her pack and each day she tore out the already-read pages. For her, even letting go in this small way had meaning.
There absolutely are ways for all of us to lighten our load and move more freely. Just like the Camino pilgrims unpack to examine what they are carrying, in an attempt to better manage the load, we also will be best served by taking a closer look at what we are carrying and why.
We too can choose to drop the weight of those things that we carry which are not necessary.
Perhaps, much like the pilgrims walking the Camino, we could check at the end of the day to see what we have been carrying that no longer serves us. We could decide to let it go and not carry it into our tomorrow.
I wish my anxieties and fears were attached to my packing as I can be a very light packer! However I carry my fears and anxieties with me and they can be very heavy. They do stop me from going forward at times. However I am trying to leave the fear behind, as I do things that I leave behind when I travel. When I worry about something I have to ask myself is it a 1 or a 10 (a tip from my daughter) and it can help sometimes!
I have heard worry defined as “using our imagination to harm ourselves”. When we are worrying we are projecting negative thoughts into the future, and of course, in doing so we are causing ourselves great anxiety. We often confuse worry with planning and convince ourselves that if we don’t worry then we are somehow not responsible. If we can do something about a situation, then we should do that. If we have no control over a situation, and the future is certainly not under our control, then worry will not do much. While we might believe that we can worry our way into a solution, it’s just not so.
Fear is such a debilitating emotion. It’s so easy to fall into its trap of ‘False Expectations Appearing Real’.
And as you say, Heather, questioning those fears is a good way to banish them.
What exactly is it I am afraid of?
And what would happen if that fear came true? How would I feel? What difference would it make? What would/could I do then?
If we keep questioning, following that thread, I believe eventually we realize our fears are unfounded, and that whatever happens it’s not as bad as we imagine and, usually that fear is just that – False Expectations Appearing Real.
Yes, fear is a debilitating emotion. I think it is especially so because often it isn’t even realized that the reason we are making certain choices, is fear. I have often asked the question, “What is it you are afraid of?”, when working with someone who feels stuck, unable to move forward. It’s common to have them come back with, “I don’t think I am afraid”. Further examination invariably uncovers the fear. You point out how following a thread of questioning will help us discern what we are really afraid of. Ultimately, I believe we are afraid that we will become overwhelmed, unable to cope with the thing we fear could happen. Rather than put our energy into trying to manage our fears with outward actions, I think we would be better served by a closer examination of how these fears are formed and, while they may feel real, they actually are not.
Good point, Heather, that we often aren’t aware that what’s holding us back is actually fear! Digging down is required.. Been there, still there in some areas of my life!
Thank you Heather!
How very timely this blog entry is for me!
In a few days I will be heading off to walk some of the East Coast Trail in Nfld. All though not as unfamiliar as the Camino de Santiago was for me, the thoughts and fears of what to pack and carry etc are very similar….all kinds of “what ifs” and concerns creep into the early hours of the morning as our adventure gets closer.
Being aware of what I can and cannot control as I travel through life is such a big lesson. Allowing and accepting that so many fears and worries are created by the never ending self talk that I can get caught up in.
Many of my mantras have long been “embracing uncertainty”, your blog was a reminder to embrace this once again!
PS. Will some one please include 10 days of Nfld sunshine for our trip!?
Very timely indeed! The fear-based “what ifs” are always creeping into our early hours. I find when that happens I need to actually stop and take inventory – asking myself, “What is actually happening now?” The “what ifs and maybes” are imaginary and my reality is that I am safe in my bed and me staying awake is helping no one – least of all me! Life is nothing but uncertainty, and yet for some reason, we feel that we can control it. The weather is one of those uncertainties, especially in the Atlantic Provinces, but I certainly am willing to do my part in launching a sincere request that the sun shine down on you in Newfoundland. Enjoy!
I now realize the correlation between the weight (task/event/situation) and how it affects me, often on a physical basis. Not only does the immediate weight affect me, I can then get in fear mode about trying to prevent that scenario from happening again. What can I do, what can I say? How do I stop it? I feel like I’m carrying a fire extinguisher, just in case, which keeps me in a constant states of stress. Yes I want to take weight out of my backpack and know some of the things I need to throw away. However, now that I have questioned myself and come up with answers of what I want to let go of, how do I do it?
For me, the process is about identifying those things that weigh me down and then asking myself, “What is it that I fear will happen if I actually let go? The willingness to sit with such a question and notice what arises within is a huge, and necessary, step. We also need to look at the mechanisms we are using to appease the fear. This isn’t easy because most of us have spent years, even decades, justifying these behaviours. Even after we have been made aware that our health is being affected we continue to do so. Changing the behaviour will last temporarily. Lasting change only happens once the underlying root is exposed and resolved.