FRIENDS

Loneliness has been shown to be a major contributor to ill health as we age. It’s common for older women to become more isolated as the years go on and in that isolation, loneliness can creep in and can be accompanied by sadness, depression, or anxiety. 

 

The camaraderie that women find in relationships with their friends becomes even more critical as we age. When we were young we placed great value on the relationship we had with our girlfriends beginning in childhood. As we journeyed through the busy years of careers, child-rearing, and many other commitments, we reached out to our women friends in ways that brought us a sense of belonging and understanding.  In our later years, when life affords us the time and space to explore new ways of doing things, we are once again comforted by the company of our women friends.   

 

Our lives are much different and we no longer have the commitments we had when we were younger.  We have more time for ourselves and we can choose to spend more time with our friends if we desire.

 

Time spent with true friends allows us to be ourselves, listen to one another respectfully, and support each other throughout life’s journey of laughter and tears.   We share some common challenges that come along with aging and we can support each other.  All the while we can remind one another of just how much life and love with have to offer.   

 

We live in a time where technological advances make it possible for us to do most of our tasks, which previously would have meant going out and interacting with other people, by simply having access to an internet connection.   We can order groceries, have our prescriptions delivered,  meet with our doctor, do our banking, and even buy a car without leaving our own homes.  While this is all very convenient, it lessens our opportunities for casual human interactions and over time can lead to more isolation.  Human beings thrive on interrelating with each other and we suffer when we don’t have that in our lives. 

 

We have all heard that there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.    Being alone is not necessarily a negative thing.  Those of us who lean toward introversion,  have no issue at all with being alone.   Loneliness is a feeling state.  Even people who enjoy their own company, and are not energized by being with a lot of people, can feel lonely.  Perhaps the “feeling” of loneliness is there to alert us that we need some social contact.   

 

We make great efforts to take care of ourselves as we age giving our attention to our finances, what we eat, how much sleep we get, how much we move, exercising our brains, and taking supplements for this and that, and all of this is beneficial.   Perhaps, though, we are at risk of letting something even more vital to healthy aging slip away.  Our need for healthy relationships is every bit as necessary as the other variables that we pay attention to.   Reaching out to form new relationships,  nurturing current ones,  and letting go of those that no longer serve us, is not easy.   It takes conscious efforts on our part.   

 

The “Harvard Study of Adult Development”, a longitudinal study of the attributes of healthy aging which has been ongoing now for over 80 years, concludes that the greatest determinant of health and happiness in old age is the experience of healthy relationships.  If we accept that our health and happiness in old age will depend on healthy relationships then it’s wise for us to make efforts to nurture those relationships we cherish.

 

I remember once being at a local cafe with a friend and she and I were chatting and laughing out loud.   I noticed a couple of young women sitting across the room, one of whom, seemed to be distracted by our laughter but would smile when I looked over her way.   Some weeks later, my daughter-in-law introduced me to her friend who immediately said, “I saw you at the cafe with your friend one day and I couldn’t help but think that when I am older I want to have fun like you both were as you sat chatting and laughing over coffee.   You just seemed to be having such a good time”.  I was reminded by her comments about how fortunate it is to have valued women friends to spend time with as we age together. 

 

As I age it becomes even more clear to me just how critical the time spent with my women friends is. It is absolutely essential to my emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.   Time spent with my women friends is a true blessing in my life that fills me with gratitude.