What is my purpose? This is a question I often hear from clients, as well as in conversation with women friends, and have also asked of myself. As of late, I have become more curious about this notion of questing for “our purpose”.
It’s a common existential query, for which we can find a variety of suggested solutions offered in the slew of self-help books crowding the shelves of our local book stores. Suggestions given to encourage women to seek out meaning in their lives, in their later years, once they no longer must fulfill the duties of earlier years. I believe that to feel a sense of purpose in life keeps us engaged in our tasks and brings with it a sense of accomplishment, even going so far as to suggest that we might associate it with our self worth. However, when I hear women questioning their purpose, or at least the way I am interpreting the questioning, it feels a bit like questing after something to be figured out and made to happen. In other words, something to be accomplished. Honestly, I don’t feel we women need to be putting that kind of pressure on ourselves as we age.
There is no question that women, in the earlier decades of their lives, fulfill a multitude of tasks, especially in the realm of taking care of others. Later, when those roles no longer belong to us, we are left with time, space and energy that is unfamiliar to us. Often the first reaction to this new experience, this void of routine tasking, is to start getting busy filling that space and perhaps it is here that we believe we will “find our purpose”.
Could we be confusing our reason for existing with the roles, identities and achievements we have adopted over the decades of our lives and thus, now that those tasks no longer occupy the hours of our days, we feel something is missing?
Is the idea of purpose to be found by focusing on what is missing, or could we shift and begin to focus our attention of the presence of something new in our lives that we simply are not accustomed to having – freedom of time and space?
Perhaps rather that continually seeking our “purpose” by searching for that thing we need to do, we could dive straight into the freedom we now have and allow ourselves to simply enjoy the experience. We tend to believe that the answers to such existential questions as, “What is my purpose?”, must be something grand. Perhaps even so far afield that they allude us. Maybe if we were to relax and allow ourselves to live in the simplicity of our daily experiences the purpose might naturally reveal itself.
Women, especially mothers, are well accustomed to caring for the people they love. We have not necessarily learned how to love and care for ourselves. It takes work, and now that we have the time why not make it our work. When we love and accept ourselves we become conduits of love and acceptance for others. The energy that we emit into the space around us becomes soft and welcoming. It brings with it a sense of peace and contentment and creates a space for us, and others, to simply be who we are. To exhale and relax.
If we learn to recognize, question, and let go of, the conditioned criteria by which we judge ourselves and others, and begin to focus on loving ourselves just as we are, and acting out of that love, we just might discover that is our purpose.
You have captured it perfectly, Heather. I couldn’t agree with you more!
I’ve come to realize, or believe, that my purpose is just to ‘Be’, to experience life anew each day, to be a loving human and hold space for others in whatever way I can.
When I eventually no longer had the responsibilities of my role as wife and mother, I was a bit lost without it and did seek ‘my purpose’ for quite some time.
As years went by and ideas of what my purpose might be did not come to be, and I became more comfortable and confident in the new phase of my life and who I was, I settled into a contentment of just enjoying each new experience, each new day.
I am no longer seeking, no longer on a quest. I think I’m there. That feeling of not being fulfilled, or worthwhile without something tangible to show my value to the world, has been replaced by calm and peace and a sense of wonder and gratitude for all that life offers. I no longer feel I have anything to prove, to others and especially to myself.
We are here to experience life, to belong to this community of humankind, and to be of service to others, whether that be in a professional capacity, by showing love to our family, or just by smiling at a stranger.
Just Be.
This is so beautifully expressed Linda. So much emphasize is place on our “purpose” and it always seems to be represented by some sense of accomplishment. We can become consumed with such an idea and go through our lives always questing and never arriving. I believe we fulfill our purpose every time that we allow ourselves to “be” in the present moment and act with love and gratitude. What more could we possible be doing that would enrich our own life and the lives of others. Age, maturity, has a beautiful, soft way of bringing us to that realization.