Recently I read an interesting Times article of The Science of Crying, a review of research over the decades on the possible reasons for, and value in, our crying.
The idea that tears have no real benefit beyond the physical, i.e. keeping the eyes moist, prevailed for centuries in the scientific community. Charles Darwin even declared crying as “purposeless”. Thankfully, that theory didn’t gain too much ground and the question of why we cry has gained some interest by scientists in more recent decades.
Through their research, scientists now understand that when we witness the vulnerability of a person who is crying, it triggers feelings of empathy in us, through which social bonding and human connection are strengthened.
Some scientists have found that the chemical make up of emotionally-driven tears and the tears that are shed while cutting onions, is different. They found that emotional tears contain more protein and hypothesized that the reason for this is that the protein in those tears causes them to run slower and stick more easily to surfaces. Hence, because these tears run slower and linger on our cheeks, it is more likely that others will become aware of our tears and this will illicit empathy and strengthen the human bond. I find this theory very interesting and hopeful.
A biochemist, William Frey, in 1985 purposed a theory that the act of crying, by way of making tears, removes the toxic substances that have built up during periods of stress in our lives. Although this theory was not scientifically proven, it reflects what I have felt for some time, to be the greatest benefit of crying. Release. Relief.
Every emotion that we experience carries with it a felt sense within our bodies. If we can become aware of our bodies when we are caught up in our emotions, we will feel the accompanying body sensation. That sensation we experience is a form of energy, be it positive or negative, directly related to how we experience the emotion. It’s not uncommon for people to use phrases like, “I had a knot in my stomach”, “My head was about to explode”, ” I was nauseous, like I was going to vomit”, “My whole body was vibrating”, and many other ways to describe how the emotions actually manifested in the body.
If emotional energy is felt in our body, should we not wonder where that energy goes once the emotion has changed? I am no scientist but I am confident in sharing that the energy created from our emotions is real. If we can feel that energy, we must conclude that it exists. When our emotions change and the sensation disappears, I would suggest that the energy can only be in one place – our body still, but no longer being felt.
Many people recognizes the natural connection between our emotional and physical health and that emotional stress left unaddressed, will ultimately wreak havoc on our bodies, resulting in illness and disease. Such information has found its way into medical journals and is often shared between a patient and an attentive medical professional. No longer, is it something widely poo-pooed. Modern medicine is catching up to the concept of holistic health and well-being that has been known in ancient traditions for thousands of years.
We cry tears of sadness, frustration, pain, fear, anger, joy, excitement, and so it makes sense that tears could be our natural way of releasing the emotionally-charged energy from our bodies so that is not stored in the cells of the body, from where it may later show up in a form of physical, emotional or mental illness. Our bodies are miraculous and know exactly what they need.
Different experiences illicit crying and sometimes we can’t connect the tears to anything specific that we are aware of in the moment. The crying of tears today can be the release of stored energy from emotional experiences we had in the moment or from experiences we had many years ago. When tears well up that I can’t, in the moment, connect to an experience I feel it is such a blessing because I choose to believe that it is the innate wisdom of my body creating exactly what it needs in order to be well.
I find it heartbreaking to think of how people are often discouraged from crying. Most of us can reflect upon an experience of our own, or one we have witnessed, when the flow of tears was met with judgement or shaming. Naturally, if we are shamed, we will learn to suppress our tears and to avoid connections that might illicit emotion. Where does suppressed emotional energy go over the course of a lifetime? Is it what underlies later experiences of mental illness, depression, anxiety, addiction, dementia, heart conditions, cancer, auto-immune disease and more? Treating symptoms of chronic illness can not be successful if it lacks recognition of the emotional/mental/spiritual aspects of that illness.
As we age, we might find ourselves more emotional and vulnerable to tearful moments for which sometimes we can make no association. We may have suppressed our tears in the past, and for that we need not place any self-judgement. Rather, let us recognize that our emotions are real, that crying is valuable to our health and strengthens our human connections, and with gratitude let us embrace our tears.
I don’t know about that Darwin fella’. Seems he might have been a tad off in proposing that crying has no purpose.
As a Brit, I sometimes discuss with fellow Brits the ‘stiff upper lip’ mantra that was instilled in us, especially the boys. Boarding schools enforced this philosophy on those unfortunate enough to be sent away from their homes for a good part of the year. I know people so affected by this that they are totally unable to cry decades later, no matter what tragedy hits them, but desperately wishing they COULD cry! I am fortunate enough to be borderline: no easy tears, but when tragedy hits, the relief of tears follows, sometimes delayed, but nevertheless therapeutic, thank goodness!
As for males, certainly in my generation born during WW2, and earlier generations, it was considered unmanly and definitely frowned upon by most of society. I married a man who was nearly a generation older than me who fought in that war, and was seemingly unmoved about most things. But, bless him, he cried when our young baby was hospitalised, cried when my best friend was diagnosed with cancer, cried when my mother died. Other occasions, too. I considered his sensitivity made him more of a man, not less, and loved him all the more for it.
I think that perhaps our current generation of young adults are more likely to discuss their fears and emotions. I hope I am right!
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Thank to so much Barbara for your comment. I can totally identify with what you say. I have witnessed young males being discouraged, even shamed, for their tears when crying was definitely the appropriate response to what they were experiencing at the time. For most of my lifetime men were seen as weak and women were understood to be overreacting when they cried. I do think, as you say, that the younger generation may be privy to different messaging now, however, we still have a long way to go in a culture that is so emotionally disconnected. As older women, having learned over the course of our lifetimes the value of expressing our emotions, we can take every opportunity given us to hold the vulnerable space with love for another while they “risk” shedding their tears.
This makes absolute sense to me, Heather! How timely (I say this tongue-in-cheek) that scientists, doctors and researchers have made the connections between physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual well being : the holistic approach to health that has been espoused forever.
I read this in a Jann Arden book, “Feeding My Mother” and felt it to augment what you have shared: “Tears are GOD’s oil to get us through the hard places in life.” She explained that her Mother told her this.
A real gift you have given to your blog readers!
Thank you for your comment Sandra. I think I could have written pages on the topic of the value in our crying. It saddens me when I think of all those, and I feel especially males, who have been conditioned to believe that it isn’t okay to cry and I hope that there will come a time in their lives when, through the innate power of their human nature, they will shatter that conditioning and allow themselves to do so.