What does it mean to age honestly? This is the question we are taking up in this blog and I am looking forward to hearing what it means to you. Let’s talk about how being honest with ourselves can help improve the quality of our lives as we age. What is it that we need to be honest about and who is it that we need to be honest with?
We have a multi-billion dollar industry afoot in our culture that thrives on convincing us that aging isn’t cool and offering, for our consumption, a barrage of options to try and sidestep aging, or at least the appearance of it. The message is that we must do our very best not to age. How we wish to engage with the inevitable aging process is each individual’s choice. We must be respectful of this. Regardless of how we feel about aging, it is part of life and holds no less value than any other stage. I would go so far as to suggest it is perhaps the most valuable.
Every stage of human development holds its unique purpose and in every stage there is growth. Why would we adopt the idea that our later stage of life is not also one of development or perceive it as void of purpose or growth? In the first half of our lives, we assign our value to what can be accomplished and achieved as we strive to meet personal, familial, and societal expectations. Our energies in the second half of life are not meant to be spent grasping at a familiar continuation of the first. This time in our lives brings with it new meaning in the absence of our earlier roles, identities, and ways of being. Our opportunities for growth as we age come from our willingness to recognize, and value, the difference.
It can be very challenging for a woman to live her own truth as she ages. We live in a culture that undervalues older women and their choices. Out of the fear of making a mistake, being criticized, or being rejected, for our honesty, we can remain tethered to the never-fully-met expectations be they blatantly obvious or submersed in the subtle nuances of our familial and cultural norms and unexamined antiquated beliefs. Our longing to live more intimately in relationship with our true nature as we age is natural. The path to its fruition lies deep within our being. If we are to bring it to life we will need to be brutally honest when asking questions like “What do I want now and what stands in my way?”
What comes to mind for you when you consider the idea of aging honestly?
Just picturing the dragonfly as a symbol of growth and renewal, from the beginning to the end of life is a powerful reminder of just how beautiful we are becoming as we age.
Some of the transitions I have been through to becoming an elder have been challenging but have given me many valuable lessons on what to value as I continue on the path, especially my friendships with women, several of whom have been my mentors. Now might just be the time to share some of the gifts of that mentorship!
Thank you Jacqui for your comment. The dragonfly is a symbol of beauty and resilience and I agree with you, that this is what we women represent as we age. You have so clearly pointed out how the challenges of our lifetime teach us what is to be truly valued, especially as we age. I agree wholeheartedly with the value of women’s friendships. Please share the gifts of your women mentors at every opportunity you get. It is so important for us to keep the wisdom of these women alive and well so that we can learn and grow from their examples and in turn pass it along to those who seek our guidance.
I loved the dragonfly analogy! Being able to shed those old layers of identities that no longer truly fit is so freeing!
At this stage in my life, I am my number one. I have no regrets whatsoever looking back on those earlier years of marriage, child rearing and career, but now it’s my time to nurture myself.
I started a new entrepreneurial career at 50 that lasted 19 years. And I began to travel.
Such a joy, this freedom! My time is my own. I love exploring my spirituality, new creative endeavors, travelling, reading, spending time with my women friends. I’ve found my vibe and my tribe!
Thank you Linda for your honesty. You have described a very insightful transition from the first half to second half of your life where your later years have afforded you the time and freedom to grow by exploring different interests.
As you lovingly point out, choosing to prioritize ourselves later in life does not mean that the first part of our lives was not equally as meaningful and fulfilling. We live in a culture of division and it is often the case that we feel if we embrace one thing we must discount the other. As women, we can make room for all of our experiences. In doing so, we set a living example for others. Not only other older women, but also we demonstrate for younger people the joy embedded in aging.
To age honestly is to accept who we are and to accept our limitations as well as our strengths. All these things can change as we age and grow. I know it is hard for me to accept that I do not have the same energy as I did and sometimes I have to let go and realize it. I just have to do things differently.
It is important to have friends that are aging with us to talk to and discuss experiences.
Thank you Cathy for sharing your thoughts. You make a very valid point in that aging is about acceptance. I agree wholeheartedly that it is incredibly important to have friends we can share experiences with and support one another. My women friends are like previous gems and I am blessed to be aging in such great company.
I delighted in the analogy of the dragonfly and the journey woman undertake to become “just me” . Your words are thought provoking. They immediately brought to mind previous experiences where I learned so much about myself. It’s a challenge to move into being “just me”,( because I wonder who that is at times) as the old habitual ways are easy habits to fall back to, that along with the fear of criticism and even losing family and friends who are wondering what’s happening to Cathie. It’s difficult being honest with them and myself and creates anger, frustration, laughter and loneliness, at times an attitude of who cares and too bad. It’s feels like a seesaw. I am grateful for the cheerleaders along the way, some of them quite unexpected.
Self reflection and “honest self inquiry” I’m sure will prove to be interesting.
Thank you Cathie for sharing your thoughts. Your observations of the full array of emotions that accompany a journey toward being ourselves are spot on. When we look back over our lives we can see so clearly where the lessons intersect with our vulnerability. There is no other way. I hope you will continue to comment on the blog posts.
It is natural to age, so of course, along with bodily changes, we should be very aware of the changes occurring in our minds and spirits, to the depths of our souls! The unseen realizations of those developments can be shackles that we put on to maintain equilibrium, or so we believe! It was so very challenging to me in my late 50’s to allow myself to fling off other’s’ expectations of who I was or supposed to be and seek out my authentic self. A journey fraught with fear, anxiety, rejection and aloneness, however with resultant dividends I could never have realized without that experience!
Heather’s understanding of women’s need for growth and development at this stage of life is a gift to us all!
Thank you Sandra for sharing the realizations of your personal experience. As you so accurately point out, the path toward living beyond our earlier expectations, and limited understanding of ourselves, is not an easy one. We feel the tugging at our very soul and we are left to choose between staying with the status quo or risking making a change. Most women having chosen the latter are very clear that the greater risk would have been in staying with what was.