No one tells the oceans
or the trees
or the mountains that they’re too old.
They talk of how powerful,
how grounded,
how awesome they are.
Imagine if we thought the same
way about ourselves as we get older.
Maybe we’d realize how
spectacular we are.
~Becky Hemsley
A friend of mine, and contributor to this blog site, sent me this poem accompanied by the beautiful photo of the elderly woman that appears here in the blog.
I find the image stunning and powerful. At first glance, I see a very honest representation of the female physical form growing old. Looking deeper, into the depth of her true essence, I see strength, confidence, and resolve. She appears grounded in knowing who she is. Nothing needs adjusting. She has nothing to hide and everything to offer. It’s as if, without even speaking, she is saying “Here I am!”
I think it would be wonderful to sit with this beautiful soul, drink tea, share stories, ask questions, and be gifted with her wisdom.
Beauty is so subjective. In one culture being a large woman makes you attractive because your voluptuous figure denotes fertility, while in another the same body type is shunned because beauty is perceived to live in a thinner figure. This idea of what is beautiful extends to the colour of our skin, eyes, and hair, the shape of our faces, the brightness of our teeth, the way we walk, the way we speak, and on and on. What one person perceives as beautiful can be very different from another.
A couple of decades ago I traveled to Thailand. At the time my hair was just beginning to turn grey and for some reason, it had happened initially as a patch at the front of my head. The Thai women, with their long, dark, shiny hair were amazed by the grey and asked if I had purposely coloured it that way. When I assured them I did not, but rather was considering covering it, they were quick to let me know that they thought I was very fortunate to have it naturally the way it was. Grey hair, for the most part, is indicative of aging no matter where you live; however, older women in Asian cultures are revered, whereas in most Western cultures they are undervalued. Hair turning grey, for them, was beautiful. For me, at that time, it was something to be hidden. I have since learned to embrace it. In no way am I suggesting women should, or should not, choose to color over grey hair. I merely offer this as one story of the cultural differences in how we perceive beauty as we age.
A beauty myth has been adopted by women of all ages. As we age we naturally move further away from the idea of it. Our skin loosens and wrinkles, age spots seem to appear as if overnight, our eyes become dimmer, our teeth are not as white, our muscles soften and our hair greys and loses its luster. We can continue to judge ourselves in accordance with the unrealistic cultural norms, or we can learn to recognize within ourselves, and each other, the unwavering beauty that we all share – our deeper beauty beyond the superficiality of our consumer culture.
Just as we stand in awe of these ancient mountains and oceans, we could choose to recognize that majestic nature in ourselves; our groundedness, our power, and just how awesome we really are.
My experience as of late, I am happy to say, is that older women realize the invalidity of outdated norms on what supposedly makes them beautiful or not. We are becoming accepting and appreciative of ourselves as we age. There is a natural letting go of judgment and a real sense of, “I like myself just as I am.” There is nothing more beautiful than that!
Beauty is absolutely in the eye of the beholder and it is ageless. Let’s take the time to look at ourselves with eyes of love and gratitude, beyond the trappings of what we have been conditioned to believe makes us beautiful; breathe, smile, and behold our spectacular selves!
I can only hope that someday someone might say “ you are a beautiful person” which has nothing to do with how I look.
Well, let me say it. You are a beautiful person! And, it has nothing whatsoever to do with how you look. Our outward beauty is so subjective as what one person sees as beautiful another does not. But, inward beauty I would say is universal in recognition.
I love this blog. It is so true! I can’t think of anything to add as it encompasses it all! Thank you for reminding us of our beauty!
It’s true Cathy, we can all use a little reminder of our intrinsic beauty no matter what age we are. To see our own beauty as older women demonstrates how much we have grown, in that we are no longer judging ourselves against restrictive falsehoods.
I love this image and the poem.
And how is it that we can appreciate this beauty in others, yet not see it in the mirror, despite the acknowledgement of others who do see it in us?
Even though we know (or should know) that we are worthwhile for just being here, never mind what we have experienced (perhaps endured) throughout our lives, & the wisdom and skills we have taught to others, we still undervalue ourselves, listening to that voice in our heads that can be so loud.
We have to unlearn all those negative opinions we have of ourselves, and release those limiting beliefs.
First step, of course, is to recognize them as untruths.
Spot on, Linda! We absolutely do need to somehow learn how to dispel our negative self-talk and limiting self-beliefs. We have been impacted by this for far too long. Even though on an intellectual basis we know that they are not true, we tend to function unaware of our limiting beliefs and the negative voices in our heads. As you point out, the first step in releasing unhealthy self-talk and limiting beliefs is to recognize that they actually are not true.
There is no better time to work on putting that all behind us than now. We must do it with great compassion. This is not an easy task as we have been strategically bombarded with the “not-good-enough” messaging over decades of our lives, especially in the world of consumerism. It takes time and effort to uncover our self-sabotaging thinking and first, we need to actually make ourselves more aware of it. As you say, firstly, we need to recognize the untruths.