Contentment in our lives is not realized from what we have or do not have. Comparing our lives to the lives of others is a recipe for never-ending suffering, as the ego can never be satisfied. I once heard Wayne Dyer say on a video, “More, is the mantra of the ego”. I pressed rewind to listen to it again. It is a poignant observation. Our ego will have us believe that if we had more of what we observe in others’ lives, then we would be happier.
We go out in pursuit of more and we may even manage to accumulate, or achieve, some of it. If we are really honest with ourselves we will realize that with this type of ego pursuit, there is never a point of having enough. So long as we continue to measure ourselves against others’ experiences, or some unrealistic expectation we have set for ourselves, we will suffer the disappointment. If we do not know when we have enough we will always live with discontentment.
I have spent time with people in other cultures who had nothing by our standards and yet, for them, they had enough. Enough in their culture is very different from our Western culture. We are constantly being bombarded with information to make us believe that we must strive to accumulate more as though we would be happy. In our striving for an unattainable expectation we are at risk of sending a message, unconsciously, to ourselves that we are failing. If we actually achieve that for which we were striving we will easily replace the goal with another. There is absolutely nothing negative about setting goals and working hard to achieve them. What we want to check is whether we have attached our self-worth to this pursuit. If we believe that what we do or what we have defines us, then who are we without those things?
Happiness is within each and every one of us naturally. The things outside ourselves that we feel are making us happy are doing so, temporarily, because of our relationship to them. If we believe that a new car will make us happy and we go purchase one, we will feel a state of blissfulness for a short time. It passes and we will move on to the next “hit”.
In order for us to be content, we must become aware of the unnecessary struggles that we experience when we search outside ourselves. We must recognize the impermanence of things and experiences. We must recognize that our emotional states are continually shifting and changing and that we have the ability within us to remain aware of this truth so as not to be at its mercy. We can counter our external grasping for what we think will make us happy if we work to become intimately familiar with our own emotions and patterns of thinking. Nothing that is happening outside of us is the means of our happiness or our suffering. It is our relationship to it that defines our experience.
As we age all of this ultimately becomes more apparent if we are open to an honest life review. When we look back over our lifetime we can see times when we were unhappy because we were living a life of comparison, whether that be with the lifestyle of others, with the cultural norms we had adopted, or with some unmet expectation of ourselves.
I believe that one of the greatest gifts of aging is that we tend to let go of earlier adopted ideals of what will bring us happiness and we live with a greater sense of contentment with our lives just as they are.
All so true, Heather. I often think about those people in the world who are so insanely rich (financially) & spend so much on ‘things’ – designer clothes, yachts, cars, homes, planes, etc, and never seem to be satisfied. It doesn’t seem to me to be the answer to happiness. I wonder if any of them are happy.
I’m sure some are also generous in their charitable donations and helping others, but it seems so unbalanced that a few have so much while so many are living without basic needs.
There is certainly enough abundance on this planet for everyone to have what they need to be comfortable.
As you point out, there is more than enough abundance in the world for everyone to have their basic needs met. So long as we continue to live with the idea that we must gather around us a surplus in order for us to be safe and secure in our own lives, this type of disparity between the “haves and the have nots” will continue. We live in a culture that continually reinforces the message that we are not secure, unless we accumulate a certain amount of “wealth” . We, for the most part, don’t stop long enough to question what being wealthy actually looks like. In the big picture of life ‘s it has very little to do with the things we have accumulated.
Our wealth is within each of us. We are enough.
We absolutely are. We often don’t realize this until we are older. Definitely one of the gifts of aging for me. Thank you, Linda
It is so true that contentment is not realized by acquisition, materially, reputationally or otherwise! It lies within and our life’s journey is punctuated by glimpses of that, thankfully, with the deeper acceptance of that as we age. The “gift” as Heather points out.
I think it’s wonderful that we actually figure this out as we age. So much unnecessary suffering is embedded in our pursuit of “more”, as though it would bring with it happiness. There’s no room for being judgemental of ourselves, or others, about this as we live in a culture designed to keep us feeling inadequate so that we continually reach for that next, certain to make us happy, thing. Then one day, we realize, we had it with us always.
Yes, I must agree that the NS fires had me thinking of what I would grab when given only a few minutes to evacuate, it also would be a very small pile.The one treasure I have is my grandmother’s wedding ring which I plan to pass down to my granddaughter. While helping to clean out my mother’s home I realized that most of the material things she had accumulated were not wanted by her family .My children have already made it very clear that when they are faced with the same task, a large dumpster will be arriving.
I must say that I do not spend a lot of energy thinking about what other people have.
My focus would be on how grateful I am for what I have, as many in this world have
so much less. Giving back if you can , is key to helping you feel fortunate.
Love your comment Linda. I think our generation is more aware that there is very little amid our accumulations that anyone else is interested in having passed along. And as you point out, it is in our giving to others what they need that we are enriched. Thanks for commenting. Please continue to read and post.
As I age, I know my circumstances will change, perhaps to the point where I will be residing in a residential facility, where there will be little room for all the treasures I may have gathered over the years. And I definitely don’t want to leave a pile of “stuff” for someone else to clean up or take to the dump when I am gone. One of the newest “learning opportunities” about how we deal with all the material goods we have acquired over the years has been with the recent NS fires. There was a fire about 4 kms from our house, and we decided to pack up some stuff in case we had to evacuate in a hurry. Fortunately we didn’t have to, but we quickly learned what was important to us – the pile was pretty small!
Love your comment Pixie. I think an experience like you had would make things real very quickly and bring clarity as to what really matters. I agree with you that we must remain aware that all of what we are accumulating will be left behind and can very easily become a burden for someone else. Why do we surround ourselves with stuff anyway? Does it bring us some false sense of security? Are we even conscious of what we are doing? Our ego self is insatiable and needs constant reassurance. I think as we age, and start to accept some hard truths about the rest of our lives, we begin to realize that we need very little. It’s in the simplifying of our life that we become rich. I do hope you will continue to read and comment on the blog post. I really appreciate it.